Sometimes figuring out a new skill is really hard. Filmmaking is a great example of this. This was our first real, finished short film we ever made. In the months (possibly years) leading up to Ass Play Glove Pro we had tried to make a few other shorts. There was a sandwich commercial that involved three men wandering the brutal tundra with a satchel full of meatball subs, stopping to check it every hour on the hour, drawing straws to see who would sleep with it, a gay love subplot, and a chase scene.
And then there was “Boxer”, a faux documentary about a disgraced Boxer who trains for a comeback fight against, of all things, a doberman. He would kill the doberman in the ring and be brought back to boxing world.
These ideas are pretty rudimentary, but frankly I didn’t have the skill or the organizational abilities to really pull it off. I didn’t know exactly how to go about filmmaking, that things have to be planned out, that you cannot be frustrated when you don’t get what you want, and that everything takes a lot of time. Not understanding these things turned to frustration, which turned to apathy, which turned to
I’d basically abandoned filmmaking as a hobby until Nathan, Neil and Steve were discussing an idea for an “Ass Play Glove”. This was a genuine “million dollar idea” as Neil put it. Basically it was glove that would dispense lubricant that was stored in a bladder in the palm. A quick squeeze of your fist would send the lube through a length of surgical tube out through a nozzle on your thumb. A million dollar idea indeed. I’d never heard of this idea before, and lets just say I was more than intrigued. At no point in my life as a sexually active person had I ever felt that applying lube the old fashioned way was too time consuming or required too much effort. I also have never had a desire to wear a thick, hot leather glove while having sex.
As the night went on and the vino did flow, we kept discussing the Ass Play Glove and eventually decided to boil the ideas down and write a script. Steve would play the hapless salesman while John Mailhot would play his co-host and brother. The idea that the short would be a home-made pitch video granted myself a lot of leeway and hopefully cover up most of my short comings as a filmmaker. Neil was “In the money” at the time (he made more than everyone except Nathan, who had a child to feed) so he put up the 350 dollars to rent all the equipment and cover our basic prop budget.
We shot this in Nathan’s basement on a dreadfully hot weekend in August of 2011. Steve McNeil had it the worst: Polyester pants, an unwashed button up shirt from a thrift store, a sweater (also unwashed) and a lab coat. All while wearing a cast on his arm. “Sweat towels” became a common refrain in the basement that day. Most of the other cut away jokes were shot in and around Nathan’s house: Marian Lawless lives in his laundry room, his lab is the furnace room, the front and backyard were also used. Steve actually called “Paradise Theatre” in Regina and they let us shoot there. I was pretty shocked they let us come in, they never checked up on us so could have been filming a porno movie, with a proper story and everything.
All in all, it was a good time. Looking back a few of the cutaway gags should have been cut for time, but I still think this is one of our best and craziest. I’d never try something with so much going on now, and I’m surprised we pulled this off in any way shape or form. It helped reinvigorate my interest in making these shorts and taught me what it takes to fully realize an idea. The first time I watched it with everyone I realized that without all of those failed filmmaking attempts we probably never would have never made Ass Play Glove or any of the other shorts we went on to make. So, thanks younger, stupider me.
- Rob White
p.s. Every time Marian’s cast comes close to Barry Lawless (played by John Mailhot), Barry has a disgusted reaction. It’s pretty subtle, but John had decided that the cast would probably smell terrible due to Marian Lawless’s living conditions. Fantastic.
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